Reign - The Consummation

SPOILER ALERT:  I have watched up through The Consummation. 

WTF?  I am so...not confused...just...confused.

First off - I should be happy that Mary and Francis are married.  But I'm still so pissed off at Mary.  They ruined the whole friggin romance.

Secondly...MAN did she drop Bash like a HOT POTATO.  Now I feel bad for HIM!  And Francis hates him!  Come on, Francis...what would YOU have done if all that shit was dropped in your lap?  The same damned thing!  And poor Bash.   The whole time he and Mary were "together", all he did was run around like her lap dog, fixing all her problems.

Francis got to sleep with her and all you got was...

TO WATCH FRANCIS SLEEP WITH HER!!! HOLY SHIT!!!!!

That was nuts!!!  They all stood around watching... and Lola was literally cringing.  That was some EXCELLENT drama right there.  Not even any blankets!  Just wham, bam, thank you, Mary...in that awful night dress thing.  And Francis was all "That's right...I can get it up...watch THIS!"

And NOW Nostradamus realizes he was wrong?  And I guess he's going to set out to kill Clarissa to make it all right...which is so awful.  And sad.  Queen Catherine should feel a lot worse than she does about the fact that that poor girl had such a shitty life.  OMG.

Ew and not that it deserves mention...but what's with Kenna?  Get me a hubby and I'll shag your brains out until you do?  What's with that??  She's so gross.  And she wasn't all that nice to Lola.  Geez.  Lola's looking OUT for her well being.  I can't even stomach her.

Long live the queen.  SO glad Catherine's not going to die any time soon.  Let's be honest; she's the show.

OH WAIT - Marie de Guise.  What do you think of Amy B?  I wanted to hate her (because her non-accent is so not spectac) but she's really good.  SO much fun.  It's like watching Cora and PaPA's mothers go at it on Downton!  FanTAStic!

OK...so...now we wait.  Another week of wondering what will happen.  And if you've studied history...you - like me - probably don't even want to know.

Walking Dead - Series 4 Finale

Me Before You by Jojo Moyes

Spoiler Alert:  Just finished Me Before You by Jojo Moyes and this post is chock full of awful spoilers.  Turn back now if you haven't read it yet.  I beg you. 

Argh.  This is not an easy post to write.  So much to chew on in this book.  So much mental anguish and emotional turmoil to consider.  Not my usual dishly story.

Here's the problem I have with this book:

Will Traynor will not get out of my head.

I don't know what I ever did to him...but he won't leave.  He just sits there...mocking me...reminding me that he's not finished with me yet.   How's a girl supposed to deal with that?

A question I need answered:

(Did I miss it?  Did I skim?  Eek!)

Why didn't Will have a "Do Not Resuscitate" order?  When he had pneumonia...or his bag wasn't changed...or when any number of near-fatal crises arose, couldn't he have just let the lord take him then?  Why go to Switzerland and put so many people through that hell?  Because you want to do it on your terms?  Come on.  How about doing it on God's terms (whatever your idea of God may be)?  That would not have been easy on anyone in the short term...but your parents, sister, nurse and girlfriend (cuz let's face it; that's what Lou was) would sure as hell have had a lot more peace in the long run.

Holy crap, right???

I find myself being angry with Will.  And yet...I totally understand and back him in his decision.  I just wish he'd...waited.  And I know; he couldn't wait.  ARRRGHHHH.  SEE????  This book is maddening.  At least the aftermath is.

After a few days, I had to google...just to try to visualize the characters; especially Will.  Let's face it, most of us don't have a quadriplegic in our lives and might have a hard time "seeing" the story.  I found some really neat photos on this goodreads discussion page...first and foremost, this one that is supposed to be Will (posted by "Kristina".)  WOW.  I mean...holy cow.  I'd have to sit down if I weren't sitting already.  Does anyone know who this guy is??

And Lou?  Don't even get me started on visualizing Lou.  I love this character.  She's so everyday.  She appeals to that side of us that just wants to sit the eff down and watch some mindless TV and have everyone leave us the frig alone for five friggin minutes.  Is that too much to ask?  Lou kept that family together.

Treena =  Dasha from The Bronze Horseman.  I wanted to smack her half the time...and then, out of the blue, she'd do something totally sweet.

And no one cheered more loudly than myself when Lou kicked Patrick to the curb.  Hear,  hear.  That guy didn't give a rat's ass about her.  He might have thought he did...but he didn't.  Talk about putting Baby in the corner.  He'd have had her cleaning up after him and waiting up for him to come home for YEARS.  I can't tell you how happy I was that she was ANYWHERE - let alone Paris - WITHOUT him...at the end of the book.  I don't care that she was alone; she needed to spend some time away from everyone.  God bless her.

Speaking of Paris.  One snarkified comment: Sometimes I felt that Will was a bit too much.  He jumped out of planes and climbed mountains and made millions in business and knew how to do everything....and also knew this certain perfume and where to find it in this little shop in Paris...and he tells Lou he always thought it would smell great on her (or whatever eloquent language he used to express that opinion postmortem.)  I felt myself saying "Come ON.  A little far fetched."  Was it just me??

Two favorite scenes:  1)  Dinner with Lou's fam.  How awesome was Will?  Just when you thought he was a miserable prick, he'd show up and be charming as shit.  I loved him for doing that for her.

2)  The wedding.  OMG the wedding.  If this book gets adapted for screen, I will sit on my hands, waiting for that scene.  Sitting on his lap on the chair and "dancing"?  Oh shit.  I waited for that moment from the second we were introduced to Will.  And how about him actually WANTING to go to the wedding???  I was so proud of him for that.  It must have been a huge step for him.

You know...at the wedding, you could tell the bride and groom (I don't even remember their names, that's how much I hated them) were uncomfortable.  They didn't know how to deal with Will.  But you know what?  Neither did Lou at first!!  She had to learn to take care of - and spend time with - a quadriplegic.  I found that to be such a refreshing journey that we all got to take with her.  These people are not broken on the inside.  They are just living life differently than before.  They are human!!  Treat them as such!!!

OK...that's it for now, before I lose a gasket over Will's "friends".  Off to start another (hopefully gut-wrenching, mind-blowing) book.

Any suggestions?

House of Cards Video Fun with Carol and Tracey

Vampire Diaries: Goodbye to You

SPOILER ALERT:  Season 6 - Episode 12: 

(There's actually been one episode since this...we're waiting for 14 this week.  Butttt...here are my notes from ep 11.  'Cuz they made me giggle, even though they're week-old.)

LOVE the whole compelling Matt thing.  But couldn't he get around it???  

I think I hate Katherine's daughter.  She's annoying. 

Tyler is doing shots at 7:42 am.  

Oooh what's with the kid looking for Elena?  He cut off the funding to the vampire haters.  That's cool.  BUT - he wants Caroline to tell elena he's sorry?  Now isn't THAT interesting.  Methinks he's diggin' on her.  That would rule.  I'd rather her get away from BOTH Salivate Salvatore brothers, once Katherine finally gives up her body. 

LOL:

Stefan:  "How'd you like to be judged solely by who you're attracted to?"

Caroline:  Why? Do you know something?

OMG Elena's back!!!!  LOVE THIS!  You get out of there girl!  SHIT - she's back.  Katherine.  DAMN.  And I don't even LIKE Elena...but now I feel bad. 

Best Damon lines:

1) You once told me that calling me Satan was an insult to Satan.

2) You brought be love advice from Prudy Trudy.

OMG poor Caroline.  Tyler heard her.  Wouldn't it be funny if she yelled "WE WERE ON A BREAK!!"  LOLOL

Awww C'mon - that isn't fair of Damon to say Stefan is enjoying Elena dumping him.  Stefan's been beyond cool about this relationship. 

Tyler's a douche.  STFU dude.  Even though you are looking very Robert Pattison-as-Edward Cullen in the Cafeteria scene of Twilight this evening.  Scrumpdillyicious.

Um, is anyone ever going to realize that Matt is the best looking guy on this show?  Jeremy's pretty tasty, too...but he's too dopey to be hot. 

The Walking Dead: We May Need Fonzie Soon

SPOILER ALERT:  Just watched the season 4 mid-season premiere. 

Every once in a while, an episode bores me so badly, I find it funnier to post the notes I took whilst sleeping through watching the show.  Enjoy.  

Why aren't these walker pets attacking Michonne?  I understand we have to suspend disbelief...but not after 4 seasons.  That's kindof BS.  These walker pets even have arms!  Hell...even severed walked HEADS want to eat you?  Whassup?

Ummm...Why is Carl mad at Rick?   Why isn't he waiting for him?  

OK enough of Rick and Carl walking around this house...it's getting old. 

Holy shit Carl you dumbass!!!

Dear Rick...are you dead?  Love, Carol

Poor Michonne.  Was that her baby??  Did her baby die??

This is boring the shit out of me.  A whole ep of Carl?  Ew. And could there BE any more commercials?  WTF?  What the eff IS this?  A Very Special Walking Dead?  An After School special??? 

Aaaaand there's Michonne.  Walkin' with her walker friends.  

Reign: Has Everyone Just Gone Total Outer Limits?

SPOILER ALERT:  The following is about episode 11 from season 1 of Reign. 

Who are these people who came to defend Catherine?  Does anyone know?  They're her family?  The Medici?  What is that, like the Voturi???

"We'll bitch slap Catherine
if her Medici family won't."

They kindof remind me of the villain family on the Superman with Christopher Reeve.  Or even the gang from The Matrix.  I know, right?  I'm certifiably cray cray.

OK I almost fell off the couch when the king was raking Kenna over the coals about Catherine and Nostradamus...and Queen Cat said "Off with you child. You've killed me enough for one day."  She's SO wickedly intelligent!  She always knows what everyone's up to. And she doesn't even seem that sneaky about it!  She just...knows!

Viscount who??  She exiled him for calling her an Italian horse?  No, wait...an Italian Mule?  Huh?  I hate when they just gloss over this stuff and make it sound so trivial...when we know it's going to rear its ugly head in the future and be a big, hairy deal.

Can someone please explain how and why Nostradamus is alive?  I thought Miss Potato Sack Head killed him with the knife that was hidden in the doll?  WTF?  And WHO put the knife into the doll?  Did we ever figure that out?

Clarissa wants to be Mary's defender.  OH MY GOD I think she's Catherine's DAUGHTER?!?  HOLY SHIT!!!  Now THAT'S some good WRITING!!!

Ooooh SNAP!!!  Henry and Catherine are together at last!!!  Sucking face!  I love it!!!!!  They should do this EVERY week!!  I rather like them together!  What a force to be reckoned with!  Much too tough for France!  (Sorry French buds; just being a wiseass.  I love you guys.  Any country that eats cheese and pastry for breakfast is my kind of place.)

See?  Knew it would come back huge.  This dude is Catherine's boyfriend who let himself be exiled to hide their secret...AND she had baby potato mask head WITH him.  Shaving his face to expose the birthmark was a nice touch, Henry.  Well played, my lord...well played.

OH MY GOD.  Holy SHIT! Everyone is pissed at Catherine!  Even her scary assed Superman villainesque family!  I love how they're all "You suck.  And not because you suck, but because you don't suck, so therefore, you suck."

Oh Mary - STFU.  You caused all of this.  I wish Catherine really did poison you.  You are everyone's darling and you leave a ton of casualties in your wake.  I'm fed the hell UP with you at this point, beotch.

Uh oh - here come the scenes for next week February 27th:

"I am way better looking than her."

"I'll have what he's wearing.
And can someone do my hair?"

OMG did you see that???  WTF is up with HALF A FACE?!  It's like Boardwalk Empire meets Reign!!  OMG that mask makes Richard Harrow look like he had a little eyebrow session at Neimans!  That shit is scary as f^%k!  She looks like a doll on Supernatural!!!!!


And you know what???  While I'm in a cursing mood:

WHERE THE F%$& IS FRANCIS?!?!?!?

Ya know...I love this show.  I watch every week...and it has really evolved and matured as the weeks have gone by.  They are bringing in more characters, and the storylines are getting more complex.  There are a million ways they could go and it's fun to watch it all unfold.

But honestly...this is NOT the show I signed up for.  WHERE IS FRANCIS? FRANCIS IS the show!  And he's nowhere to be found!  And he's not on the scenes for next week, either!  So will that be the third week in a row with no Francis?!  Or are they going to zing us and bring him back just in the nick of time??

And does Mary even CARE???  THAT is what bothers me the MOST.  She screwed him over - and he LEFT HIS OWN HOME - and LOST HIS CROWN - and she's just sashaying herself around the castle like she OWNS THE PLACE!!!  I get that she needs to save Scotland, but what about HIS country???  What about saving HIS crown??

And you know what else?  Does she not miss him, even a little?  Does she have no remorse for the
fact that she's about to MARRY his brother who he grew up with and loves???

Ya know...we suffered through 8 WEEKS of CAT AND MOUSE between Francis and Mary before they finally consummated the relationship and told each other they loved each other.  And what happens next?  Francis is gone and she's telling BASH she's open to loving him!!!  WHAT A FRIGGIN HO!!!!  No sooner out of one's bed and working her way into another!!!  It's maddening!!  What about Francis?!  You loved him with your whole heart and soul just 2 days ago!!

I am not happy.  Nope.  Not at all.

(Can't WAIT for 2/27!)  :)

REIGN: My Burning Question

I'll be blogging tomorrow about tonight's episode...but for now, I have to say one thing:

WHERE THE EFF IS FRANCIS????

Rant to follow mañana...

Reign: WHERE'S FRANCIS?

SPOILER ALERT:  I am discussing episode 10, "Sacrifice".

OH shiz - Catherine knows a TON of shit if she's the one sending everyone in to visit Bash at Privy Counsel. First the pregnant girl..and then the woman who tried to kill him.  Queen K is not to be messed with.

Here's what's bothering me already in this episode:

WHERE'S FRANCIS???

Daddy says I'm the best...

"Isabel's father was my mother's half brother".  Wait, what?  Shit.  I have to think about that.  OK so you're sortof first cousins.  Nice.  You people could rival the Dukes of Hazard crew...

OK and now Bash is sending the pregnant girl to his "other cousin's".  He sure does have a lot of family for being a bastard.

Taking the pregnant girl out the back way...dressing her up to look like a blueberry...

WTF...WHERE'S FRANCIS?????

OK so now we know Catherine is definitely behind the poison.  (Um, duh.  No big stretch.)  Can you blame her?  Survey says...NO WAY!  I mean, seriously.  With Bash dead, her son would be the future king.  Of course, she'd have to kill Mary at some point...but...whatevs.  I'm a little disillusioned with her at this moment in time anyway.

Oh Cat, I love what you've
done with the place!!!!!

I'm in hysterics at the fact that Catherine is redoing the dungeons in a lovely shade of Versace...

Bash's mother's father had a bastard son, too.  "Jonathan Durant"  That's the pregnant girl's father.
GEEZ!  Very progressive for the 16th century, no?

Um...WHERE'S FRANCIS???

"I marvel to think how grating and tedious you must also be...to achieve such a thing..."  ROFLMAO.  The best part about that statement is that I can't even remember who said it!  Catherine?  Mary?  Either way, it's positively scrumptious.

"Do you think I care what the kings former bed thing chooses to gossip?"  ROFLMAO  "former bed thing".  Now THAT is funny.  Does anyone truly like Kenna?  I know I don't.

Mary!  Don't be a ho!  Looking all cutesy-eyed at Bash.  Did you not just wake up with Francis YESTERDAY morning????  Which reminds me...

Bitch...WHERE'S FRANCIS?!?!

OMG now the baby's mother is dead??  Oh shiz.  WHO is going to raise that baby?  Watch Henry be
all cute with her or something.  That'll make me vom as he pretty much hates anyone without a pair of tatas pointed squarely in his direction.

Awww isn't that cute.  Bash and Mary cut their hands and dripped blood onto the grave.  Right before they MADE OUT.

UGH...WHERE'S FRANCIS?!?

Oh yeah and I just saw the scenes for next week.  Ummm...did anyone ask themselves...

WHERE THE EFF IS FRANCIS?!?!?

Postscript:  I find it absolutely delicious that this is the first week my hubby didn't fall asleep whilst during the show.  Why?  Because he doesn't like Francis!!!

HERE are the scenes for next week's episode, "Inquisition".  I'l tell you what...if Francis' hot, boney ass doesn't show up by the end of this episode, I'm someone's going to need a sedative.

Vampire Diaries: Goodbye to You

SPOILER ALERT:  The following are my thoughts whilst watching episode 11, "500 Years of Solitude."

Wanna shag me gone?

KLAUS!!! OH MY GOD! He's here!  With Caroline!!! In the woods!  Didn't see THAT one coming!!!

"In a shocking twist, Katherine's daughter's a psychopath."  ROFLMAO!  Damon is so friggin' funny, I don't know what to do with myself.  I'd like a book of nothing but Damon's one-liners.  Think someone can make that happen over at the CW?  Let me know.  Thanks.

WOW Klaus and Caroline getting BUSY in the woods!  This is outSTANDing!!!  I've wanted these two together since his hot, douchey ass first told her he dug her.  I love the angst, too.  "Ummm...OK so I'm going to give you the bestest, hottest, up-against-a-tree sex that you've ever had....and then you're never going to see me again, mmmkayyyy?  Great."

Shiz - is Katherine really dying?? Seriously?  C'mon now.  She's one of my favorite characters.  Her bitchiness just rounds out Elena's whineyness soooo nicely.

"Get out, Elena."  I just said that.  *I* did.  Me.  On my couch.  That just popped right the hell out m'mouth.  OUT LOUD.  Just take your skinny, immature ass right back out the door and let Katherine die with a shred of dignity, please.  We all know you're perfect and she's the devil.  Got it.  Now go.

I'm not giving blood!
Just stick it in my arm!  

Ummm...OK so when did Elena become a phlebotomist?  Oh right...it was only a shot.  She's just so good at so many things...it's hard to keep track!  What's next?  Astro-Physicist?

Oh SNAP...Katherine's Elena!!  NICE!!  Didn't see THAT one coming, either! (Seems to be the phrase of the night!)  OK so it looks like SOMEbody's been watching Once Upon a Time and wanted to try out the old person-switcheroo.  THIS is tasty as hell as storylines go.  Think about it.  Elena's going to come close to being buried...and Katherine's going to go schtup the shit out of Damon.  I think I LOVE this!!  Wait - maybe she'll dump Damon and hook up with Stefan again (because we all know he'd be slightly more AWESOME in bed than Damon.)  ;)

And lastly...Stefan.  I'm sorry...but I can't stand watching him be all nice to Damon about Elena.  Um, EW!  He totally got the short end of that relationship stick.  Or did he?  Actually - he made out pretty well as he's NOT HAVING TO PUT UP WITH ELENA'S WHINING ANYMORE!!!

OMG and how about all the dead people showing up in this episode???  ALARIC!!!

Be still my heart!!!  It was like being blinded by a thousand rising suns.  (Yes.  I do love Alaric and my life would be more COMPLETE if the CW didn't feel the need to OFF HIM.)  ;)