The White Queen: Love Stinks!

SPOILER ALERT:  I have seen 6 episodes of The White Queen.

Warning:  LOL!  This may be the most shallow commentary I've ever given about an episode of The White Queen...or anything else!  It's full of "he did her and she hates him and they suck and ain't she a bitch".  And the HILARIOUS part about that is...this was real life!  Well...sortof.  They rewrite history...but real life runs in the background...we'll put it that way.  

OK - let's get to it!

Why is Elizabeth being such a BITCH to Ann??  She's lucky to be alive, let alone wearing those dresses and living in that castle!  BITCH!  I want to smack her!

Richard, please kiss me already.
You is HOT boy!

OMG Just marry Ann off to Richard already.  Why are they keeping her prisoner?  It's so stupid.  Money, money, money.  Doesn't George have enough at this point??

Oooh snap!  Margaret's mother is dying.  Ew you can almost smell her through the screen.  Gross. I'm surprised there isn't skin falling off her face.  Meanwhile, Margaret's going to go do Jasper Tyooooooder the second her mother croaks.  And rightly so.  It's about time that women get a little sumpin sumpin.

Ho, party of 1?

OMG EDWARD YOU IGNORANT SLUT!!!  I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM!!!  Damnit - I really thought he was different now.  SHIT.  He just DID some HO and Elizabeth walked in and caught them!!

YEYYYYYY Richard and Ann are getting married!!!  I've been waiting for this for weeks!

Weren't expecting me to be so
aesthetically pleasing, were you
oh mother of Henry TYOOdor!

OMG Margaret and Lord Thomas Stanley - I kindof like this!  He's not bad looking!  Actually, he's kindof cute!  He's the perfect age for her, too!  Oooh snap - now they're married and she wants herself a piece!  Just TELL him, ya dumbass!  I hope she comes back out of that room and knocks on his door.

Peace out from Princess Leia!

Poor Elizabeth.  I hated her a half hour ago but now I feel so bad for her.  Her mother's dead, her baby's dead with her mother (WOW that death scene was powerful) and her husband's schtupping the local ginger cutiepie.  THAT SUCKS.

SO happy about Richard and Ann.  I think he loves her.  I hope he loves her.  She's the only one on in this whole situation with a conscience!

Boy did I really back the wrong horse!

Oh sureeee....NOW Isabel is nice to Ann???  No WAY!  Eff OFF, beotch!  I felt so bad for her a few weeks ago and now I can't stand her!  She deserves her asshole husband!

What's the deal with Elizabeth and Margaret?? WHAT FUN!  How delish!  If they become allies, this show just upped its own anti.

And PS - how long until they have a heated, "I must have you now" scene between Margaret and her new hubby, Thomas?  Yum.  Can't WAIT!

True Blood - Season 6 Finale

ROFLMAO - Just found this outline I typed while watching the True Blood finale.  It was so "meh", I didn't bother to write it out!  I thought it would be funny to just post it like this, spelling/grammar errors and all...


stupid party outside bill's house - like the maynard

waht's with jason's chickie with the pink pants - she's suffocating

I want bill and sookie back together

Warlow is annoying - I'm so glad Sookie's not going ot marry him or be his "Fairy Vampire Bride" (Jason)

Eric - Sorry your mom blew up ricky

WTF is up with Jason's Porn?  That was bizarre.

Sam became mayor in 6 months?  Whaaa?

Once again - no lines for the best one on the show aka Lafayette

I KNEW that was a wig on Alcide.  THANK GOD.  He looks SO MUCH BETTER with short hair!
What's with him and Sookie?  Blech.

Tara and her mother?!?  THAT WAS A COOL SCENE!!!!

WHERE'S QUINN??? Are we EVER going to meet Quinn?  I guess not.  Alcide is Quinn enough for both of them.  At least we're not going to have to endure the kitchen dry hump between Quinn and Sookie.

Breaking Bad: They Faked Me Out Again!

Spoiler Alert: Aww hell...there are, like, 3 eps left???  If you're not caught up - back away slowly! ;)

OK is it me, or was the final goodbye between Hank and Marie pure genius?  I saw that...and said to
my husband, "Oh this is it.  Hank's gonna bite it.  The hillbillies are-a-comin'."  Well- I was right about one thing; the hillbillies sure did make a grand entrance.  BUT - Hank is still alive (or was at 9:59) and lives to see another week!  AMC faked me out, yet again.  How do I love thee?  Let me count the ways.

And my husband can't figure out how all those automatic weapons could've missed.  He even did his own reenactment of Hank and Gomez, SLOWLY running over behind the cars, to demonstrate just how ridiculous it was!  (Boy do I wish I had that on video for y'all.)

Now WHAT do y'all think m'boy JESSIE is up to with that car door, yo???  Is he trying to escape?  Where's he gonna go?  I don't think so.  Nope.  I think he's actually wondering if he can sidle up next to one of those Nazi freaks and hold a gun to his head...ultimately saving Hank, Walt and Gomez.  Don't think it's possible?  Think again.  Jessie was quite a badass in Mexico, remember?  Something tells me a guy who's got nothing left to lose won't be all that afraid of a few AK47s.

Saul.  Lorddddddd Saul.  That hair is priceless.  He's so lovable and disgusting.  I really hope that
rumor I heard about a spinoff is true. HOW much do I love Saul?  I'm going to say goodbye to these guys like the scarecrow, tin man and lion in the Wizard of Oz in a few weeks...and I may miss Saul most of all...

PS - I found this photo on this tremendous Breaking Bad/Saul Tumblr page AFTER I TYPED THIS and almost fell off my damned chair.

Fifty Shades of HOLY CRAP she did NOT just SAY that!!!!

Smut Alert:  This article is not for everyone.  If you have a problem with smut and dirty words, what I am about to share is not for you.

If you don't mind smut, and enjoy some dirty words once in a while, especially coupled with Fifty Shades of Grey discussion, get your ass over to the Bitches Gotta Eat blog.  And strap yourself in for one hell of a hilarious, tears-running-down-your-cheeks, bumpy-assed ride.  I truly haven't laughed this hard in I can't TELL you how long.  Enjoy!

The White Queen - Episode 3: Wake Me When It's Over

SPOILER ALERT:  I have seen 3 episodes of The White Queen.

Meh.  Tonight's ep was called Fool Me Once.  Yeah.  They fooled me into thinking it was going to be good!

Don't get me wrong, it didn't suck.  But it wasn't fantastic, by any means.   Ever notice how sometimes shows like this seem to be on a week on/week off schedule?  Amazing...meh...Amazing...meh.  Story...filler...story...filler.  Tonight was a whole lotta filler.  (The Tudors was famous for that.)  Two scenes were literally exactly alike.  Edward's gone...Edward comes back.  Elizabeth is sitting at a table when he does.  He walks in - they embrace.  Yawn.  Really?

A few good things:

Edward and Elizabeth getting it on with Warrick's daughter in the room, waiting on them.  Holy hell - it was like in Rome (on HBO) when Atia and Mark Antony were going at it like banshees and afterward, Atia orders "Water!" to her servant, who is standing right next to them.  Ummm...OK.

Margaret and Jasper finally swapping some spit.  GOD that husband of hers is annoying.  Although, WHAT is she up to by sleeping with him?  That was bizarre.  I guess she has to please him in the bedroom to get what she wants.  Then again, who doesn't?  ;)

Lady Cecily.  Lordddd she's underused.  I love her icy attitude.  I'd like to see her go quip for quip with the Dowager Countess on Downton Abbey.  THAT would rule.

Poor Isabel.  I felt SO bad for her when she lost the baby.  And we all knew she was going to.  What a nightmare on that boat.  She seems so conflicted all the time...like she really wants to do the right thing.  I keep waiting for her to turn on everyone and run to the queen and tell on...someone.  Anyone.  LOL

That's it for now.  I just don't have it in me to say much more about this episode.  Cross your fingers for next week.  They never give you two filler eps in a row...so we should be good!

Breaking Bad - Buried: Mo Money, Mo Money, Mo Money

SPOILER ALERT:  I have seen the first two eps of the last season of Breaking Bad. 

You know what's funny?  I can't say that much about Breaking Bad.  It's such a different kind of TV show...I just can't formulate anything good enough to express what goes on on a weekly basis.  But I'll try...

What I can't figure out is is Walt going to beat cancer again?  Especially while he's running around burying billions and running from Hank.  (Or is he?  Skyler's new "we say nothing" plan is brills.)  Maybe I'm wrong in assuming that, but he's got hair in future scenes when he's picking around the rubbish in his house...and doesn't seem as sick as he is now.

HOW awesome is all that money underground?  I LOVED the guys laying on it this week.  I wonder if Walt (And Skyler?) is going to come back and dig it up?  I wonder if he ends up alone.  Or if Skyler stays with him.  HELL - at this point, Hal and Marie could end up going along with them, too.  Or not.  DANG!  They HAVE me.  I have NO idea what's going to HAPpen.  In only 6 more episodes!

Is it me, or is Hank a totally different guy than he was at the beginning of this series?  He started out as an annoying dumbass who didn't know when to keep his mouth shut.  Now he's this total badass with a cushy office and everything.  Although, I must say, I'm kindof surprised at how intent he is on getting Walt...enough to totally screw Schyler.  I don't even think Marie will try and save Skyler at this point.  

And ooh...Lydia.  That woman scares me.  She's so psychotic.  One minute she seems so scared and lost.  The next, she's friggin cray cray and seems like she'd easily whip out an oozie and start picking people off, one by one.  (Snort.  Is that what you do with an oozie?)  I was hoping she was going to end up locked in that trailer for a while...but it was not to be.  Walt's (baby-faced) guy made sure of that. 

And what's with Jessie?  WHAT a moron.  And now his ass is screwed - for life.  I bet they'll give him a sweet deal if he gives up Walt.  I can't WAIT to watch Hank and Jessie go head to head down at the precinct. 

HOW glad are you that Saul is back and so entrenched in the story at this point?  I love that character so much.  He could have a pretty successful spinoff.

And lastly - WHERE's FLYNN aka Walt Jr.?!  Is he ever ON the show anymore?  It's completely bizarre the way they've just sortof written him out.  He's just...gone.  It's like Happy Days when we found out Richie and Joanie had an older brother who was off "at college".  Chuck.  Or was he there early on and then we never saw him again?  I digress...

The White Queen: The Price of Power

SPOILER ALERT:  Look out, y'all!  I have watched 2 episodes of The White Queen.

Yeah.  I'm THAT good.

First order of business:  James Frain!!!  HOW could I have forgotten to talk about him in my lastpost?!  He's so amazing, I get chills just watching him.  He certainly has come a long way since he played Forney in the movie where Natalie Portman has her baby in the Walmart.  These days he's rivaling Eddie Redmayne in the "actor who's trying to replace Colin Firth as the guy who's done the most period pieces" department.

I just said to my husband "HOW much do you love James Frain?!"  And hubby - remembering "Franklin Mott" (James' character in True Blood) said "Look how fast I'm texting!"  I almost fell off my chair from laughing so hard.  (It's True Blood.  There's "language" in that link.  Be warned.)

If it ain't bein' shown on STARZ...I ain't doin' it!

OK...so...something ELSE I forgot to mention.  Edward's brother, George, is played by David Oakes who was William (or as I liked to call him, "Le Douche") in The Pillars of the Earth.  On STARZ.  Why is THAT significant?  Welllll...how many times have I said "Oh no...they won't cast so and so for Outlander because he/she was already on a show on Starz.  Um, squee?  I suppose this means STARZ rocks even more than I thought they did...and they are fine with an actor from one of their previous shows appearing on another.  Now...I'm sure I'll never get my Hayley Atwell/Claire wish...but at least we may see any number of actors like Ian McShane...Rufus Sewell...etc who we've seen in shows past.  Well played, STARZ...well played!

OK back to the show.  It hit me when Elizabeth was making the sign of the cross that England is still Catholic.  They have only just overthrown Henry VI.  We have a little way to go before Henry VIII comes to town.  Not that we'll see him in The White Queen...OR played by Jonathan Rhys Meyers.  But a girl can dream.

OK another cool this about this show - the score.  In spots, it sounds a lot like my Outlander-reading soundtrack, Lifescapes Scottish Moors.

Meanwhile...anyone who knows me, knows I hate spoilers.  COMMA HOWEVER...I had to google.
 I just had to.  And I have now pieced sooooo much together between this show and what I have researched in the past.  For some reason, it's not really spoiling when it's "real life".  This shit happened, people!  And I must say how surprised I am that - so far - things pretty much happened the way STARZ is portraying them to have happened!  I'm kindof in shock...and I'm definitely thrilled.  (More Outlander hopes, y'all.)

Exactly where I belong.
Karma is a bitch.

Another cool thing:  a few months ago my British history-loving ass FREAKED OUT when they found the bones of King Richard III under a parking lot (SPOILERS).  It just hit me tonight that the same Richard is King Edward's younger brother...who I have DESPISED for years, due to the fact that he _______________ (same spoiler I mentioned above).

Soooo...bottom line...I am now thoroughly entrenched in The White Queen.

And you should be, too.

The Fault in Our Stars

SPOILER ALERT:  I don't give details but I kindof "go there".  So avoid if you don't want to know...or start pondering what happens in this book.

Tracey recently reminded me that I never blogged after reading The Fault in our Stars by John Green - at her suggestion.

What can I possibly say that will do this book justice?  (Especially without being my usual, smartass self?)

It is beautiful.  It is painful.  It is comforting.  It is funny.  It is innovative.  It is lovely.  It is heart breaking.

And it is life...for too many kids.

I missed these characters so much after I finished the book.  I miss their awesome personalities and their quirky situations.  I miss the Literal Heart of Jesus (SO funny) and the descriptions of things like Isaac's giant owl eye.  I miss how much they made me laugh while their lives were anything but funny.  I miss the way Augustus Waters made me feel and the way Hazel Lancaster made me think.

And sadly enough, I miss a friend I lost at 17.  That is what happens when you read this amazing book.  You look at your own life and your own relationships...and you thank God for what you have...and cry for what you've lost.

PS - This book is being made into a film.  And while the actors are not really matching up with the characters in my brain, I am really looking forward it (and will certainly bring my tissues.)

The White Queen: OH NO SHE DI'N'T

SPOILER ALERT:  I have watched ONE episode of The White Queen on Starz. 

Don't think I won't use this bitch...

Holy SHITE.  Sorry to be so crass right out of the gate, but there is just NO other way around it.  This show is goooooooood.  And ALL I could think during the whole, bloody episode was "THIS IS WHAT OUTLANDER IS GOING TO BE LIKE!!!!!"  (Yes.  The shouty caps are necessary.)

First off...this show is GORGEOUS.  With none of the cheese factor of Camelot (which I LOVED, by the way, and highly recommend.  That is not a diss.  Philip Winchester and Joe Fiennes are beYOND.)

Yeah...yeah...
Just put a ring on it, chumley.

Secondly, it has my #1 criteria for an awesome show: the "Oh no she di'n't" factor.  And there is a LOT of it.  When Edward gave the priest a funny look, I was like "Uh oh.  Something's not right."  So you think I'd have figured it out already by the time Elizabeth's brother told her Edward has done this before and the priest was a fake.  At that point, I sat straight up on the edge of the couch and said (say it with me, now): "OH NO HE DI'N'T!!!!!!"  To which my husband replied, "HOW did you NOT see this coming?!?"  I said "Well...I kinda did...but...but..." and really had no response after that.

So then - when Edward stands his badass self up and tells everyone "I have married Lady Elizabeth" ?!?  There were not enough "oh no he di'n'ts" in this WORLD to define that kind of drama!  This show has more twists and turns than that nauseating teacup ride at Disney.  IT'S DELICIOUS!!!

"Ain't no one shavin' MY forehead."

And Edward's mother?!  Holy crap!  When Elizabeth meets her and double teams her with her own mother, Jacquetta...and Cecily has to BOW TO THE QUEEN?!?  It's PRICELESS!!  There is more drama and bitch-factor in that one scene than every episode of General Hospital and Young and the Restless put together!!!

And I will admit, I kept wondering "How much of this stuff even happened the way they're portraying it to have happened?"  I am dying to Google...but being the spoiler freak I am, I will refrain.  I don't even want to know what happened in real life, let alone on the show.  Yes, I am a Tudorphile...but more 16th century Tudors...not 15th century Tudors and their enemies.  So I suppose I'll be googling away when these 10 episodes are over.

One totally strange-yet-interesting thing that has always fascinated me about that time period is that the women plucked out their eyebrows and shaved or plucked their hair at the hairline to have a smooth appearance and elongated forehead underneath their (very odd) headdresses.  Clearly everyone has all their hair on this show.  My god.  Everyone is stunning.  (Again - get ready for Outlander, y'all!)

ALSO...I'm dying to know if the god awful story of the "Princes in the Tower" will be covered on this show.  Do NOT CLICK THAT LINK if you don't like spoilers.  TRUST me.  I'm just wondering if - and how - they'll cover THAT.  If not in this series...perhaps the next (will there be one?)

Can't WAIT for Sunday.  The White Queen AND Breaking Bad.  IT'S LIKE MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Breaking Bad: "Blood Money" (And Lots OF It!)

SPOILER ALERT:  I have seen one episode of the final 8 episodes of Breaking Bad. 

Ooooh SNAP!  And we're off with a BANG!

We now know that Walt is on the lamb ("Hello Carol") and that freaky assed skateboarders have taken over his home.  (That seriously freaked me out more than so many horrific things on this show.  His HOME has been overtaken by the "2 Dollar" kid from Better Off Dead!!)

And can you BELIEVE Hank closed that garage door and put a beating on Walter's face?!  The only thing more awesome than that move was Walter telling Hank he'd better tread lightly.  HOLY SHIT!!!!  I have never been so on the edge of my seat before...and I'm ALWAYS on the edge of my seat with this damned show!  5 seasons of being on the edge of my seat!  It's genius!!

While hubby and I were waiting for the episode to start, we watched some of the end of last season...and OH my god.  "Say my name"..."Heisenberg".  WOW was that powerful.  I am really going to miss Bryan Cranston when this show goes off the air.

And how about JESSE!!  That poor, tortured soul!!  Now he's out throwing cash around in the hood!
 Does he not realize that is going to make the news?  Watch the homeless man rat him out.  That would SUCK!

That is the beauty of these last 8 episodes.  No one knows WHAT the eff is going to come down the pike.  It's like a big, fat game of Russian Roulette!  ANYTHING can happen!!!

And I'm SO happy we got to see Saul already in Episode 1.  Or 9.  Whatevs.  BOUNCE!!!

Here's a little something to get you back on track if you're still a little sketchy.

Yeah bitch...magnets.