Once Upon a Time: Fanning the Flames

Oooh SNAP!!  I'm 10 minutes in and already it's scrumptious!  Just listen to these quotes:

"Oh yeah, princess.  You're goin' back to sleep."

Queen: "Who is she?"
Henry: "Your mother."

"Condiments are this world's most powerful magic."  ~ Mr. Gold

So the queen and Mr. Gold are bitching at each other and poor Belle is sitting there, waiting to eat her first-ever cheeseburger...before it gets cold.  Geez, how rude they are!

OMG everyone's getting burned in the room-o-flames!  It's like Nightmare on Elm Street!  Poor Johnny Depp is going to get sucked into the bed soon if they don't figure out WTF is going on with Aurora!!!

Holy shit!  Snow speaks crow!!!

Boardwalk Empire: Not Lucky Nucky

How much do you love Chalkie? Aren't you so glad he's going to get his club? I smell a Season 4 storyline!

Nucky's at rock bottom right about now. I like how he took the bull by the horns when he thought his nephew was in trouble...and marched his ass outside...only to see Al Capone show up with the African American cavalry.
 That - in a word - ruled.

Oh my lord would SOMEBODY kill Jimmy's mother already? She is SUCH a ho. And I'm not even talking about her profession! What a bitch!!! She is going to miss Richard when he takes off with Junior (thanks to Shannon for that theory!) And speaking of Richard, can they please let him take that god-awful prosthetic face off and kiss his new woman? He is beautiful - disfigurement and all.

Walking Dead: Midseason WHAT?

OMG Michonne is kick ASS!! I have been hot/cold on her...but now I love her. She blended in with the group immediately! It's like she's been with them the whole time! Happy Cop Rick better not screw things up and piss her off...or worse yet, kick her out! Although NONE of them might be around after next week when they storm Governor's Stepford's Bastille.

And speaking of next week...WHAT is with the "mid season finale"??? WTF?? I am new to this Walking Dead game...so I didn't have to deal with a break last season.  And it's not coming back until "sometime in 2013? WHAT?! January? December? WHEN?!?

PS - I really thought Glen was going to bite it. Talk about a nail-biter!

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Not on My Watch: The Smoking Gun?

SPOILER ALERT:  I am starting Chapter 7 in Not on My Watch by JC Bodden. 

Things are heating up.  And I don't mean between Dev and Ellie.  Although not for lack of trying, on her part.  Lorddddddddd that woman is a maneater!  I could have used some lessons from her when I was young and single.  She's quite sure of herself, no?  Dang.

So they just found out the bullet from the gun that was used to kill Bobby Earl Davenport (three names; never good) came from a police revolver - and they think it was Devlin's.  And my gut tells me they're going to find out it was Devlin's.  The guy (the real guy, not Bobby Earl, duh) has been in and out of his house...it's not odd that he'd have been able to steal his gun and replace it.

And how about sassy-ass Jennie!  Damn, girl!  I know you're upset about your kidnapped son and all...but show some manners, lass.  I know the maneater is standing there in her Oscar gown and making you feel enormously inferior in the hottie department...but Devlin didn't raise you to be a little snotty pants!  So pipe down.

And Joe...lordddddddd Joe.  Did you not feel terrible for him when they were listening in on the kidnapper phonecall and he had no idea what was being said...about his own son!  Horrible!  I still love Joe the most out of all the characters.  Hopefully JC will write us a book that begins with the night Jennie and Joe got home from her kidnapping...and ends with the birth of the twins.  I'm sure something criminal happened during those years...you know, so she can throw in a little bit of drama.  I always enjoy a little mystery with my romance.

OK...back to the book.  I have to catch up to Tom; he's at 49% and I'm at 30%.  Today he said to me, "What's up for tonight?  In the mood for a little JC?"  (insert massive giggles here)

PS - I can't help but see Elliot as Liz Cho.  Looking forward to hearing JC's opinion.  I can almost hear the laughing all the way from my house in NJ.  ;)

The Walking Dead: Listen! Do You Smell Something?

Holy crap.  Did you see Sunday's Walking Dead?  Michonne is brills.  How about her moseying around, wearing walker entrails and fitting in with the crowd?  I'll be she's got that...ummm...not-so-fresh-feeling.  I can't WAIT to see how she's going to convince Rick to let her in.  It's not like she can speak up and say "Hey Rick, let me in!" with all those walkers all over her.

This show amazes me every week.  I was absolutely IN SHOCK when Lori died.  I mean, REALLY?!  I was sitting there saying "Oh please...she's not going to die.  Vet Doc will come in, stitch her up, give her an antibiotic that poor Glenn stole from the local pharmacy (since he seems to be the only one who ever goes for supplies) and she'll be good as new!"  I was half paying attention when she and Carl were saying their goodbyes, because I truly thought it would never happen.  And then...BAM!  Carl's putting her down like a deer in Allegheny, PA the Monday after Thanksgiving!  It was a complete FREAKSHOW.  I am still open-mouthed about that one.

Poor Rick.  He's damn gone lost his mind.  Everyone's calling him up on the telephono, talking to him all nice and proper...when really they're dead as doornails.  Thank God he shook it off and went out and actually held the baby.  He needs to move ON.  Lori was a bit of a beotch anyway, was she not?

OK let's move on now...to that hottie, The Governor.  WOW.  He's really rather hunky in his averageness, no?  I think I like him with Andrea, even though he's a freakydeak who brushes his daughter's hair (and probably eyeballs) clean off her head.  That is an explosive secret that is going to cause all kinds of mayhem, I'm sure.

And let me ask you a question --->  If you were Andrea, what would you have done?  Left with your close bud, Michonne?  Or stuck around and drank lattes with the bathed people?  Cuz I'm thinin' my answer is crystal clear:  Damn RIGHT I'd have stayed around in Walker Mayberrry!!!  I don't give a shit WHAT is going on behind the scenes...I'd be happy as a pig in shit.  Just close my eyes and pretend all this madness isn't going on right outside those tire walls (where naughty Andrea is clearly not allowed to frequent anymore.)

And how about poor Daryl?  He loves Carol.  I new her ass wasn't dead.  I have been waiting for weeks for those two to get together.  I hope she's not bitten; I like her too much to want to watch Merle shoot her in the eye with his crossbow.

Boardwalk Empire: ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?

Boardwalk Empire is walking the line in my house right now.  I don't know if I'd call it "jumping the shark"...although the fact that Chicago/New York seems to be overtaking Atlantic City gets on my last nerve sometimes.  (Although give me Nelson selling knives or Vodka any day!)  But is there some reason they are adverse to KEEPING EVERY SINGLE GOOD CHARACTER THEY'VE EVER CAST?!?

I don't effing get it.  First Jimmy Darmody.  I mean - the whole Boardwalk Empire-loving world ERUPTED when they killed this guy off.  He was the star of the show!  OK, OK...next to Nucky Thompson...whatever.  And here we all are...still licking our wounds...while that crazy assed BITCH who spawned him kills his doppelganger and passes him off as him to collect his inheritance...and what do they do?

The most gorgeous man with
half a face on the entire planet!

THEY KILL FUCKING SLATER!!!!!!!

I mean are you SHITTING ME?!?  Owen Slater is one of the best characters on the show!!  If these morons kill off Jack Huston aka Richard Harrow aka "Half A Face" (I say that lovingly), I will stop watching on the spot.

Bottom line - Slater was AWESOME.  He kicked ASS.  (see below)  Although I did somewhat enjoy watching Margaret freak out because I can't stand her sometimes...which means I LOVE Kelly MacDonald; she's FABU!  She plays the character you hate to love!

Check out Owen being all badass with the adorable Richard.  If Richard goes...I GO!!!

Vampire Diaries: Oh for the Love of All that's Holy - Someone Punch Elena, Please

Wahhhhh!  Wahhhhh!

Are you kidding me?  TALK ABOUT SELF CENTERED. WHAT is with throwing the ring into the lake?!  Even if Little Miss Whine and Moan wanted to kill herself, she didn't have to ditch the ring!  Someone else could use it, right?

I have had about as much as I can take of Elena and her stupid whining.  And now she's fucking EVERYTHING up.  Stefan dumped her but really she dumped him.  And now she's going to go do the nasty with Damon.  And you know what?  He's going to dump her.  And I won't feel the LEAST bit sorry for her dumb ass.  What kind of an ASS wedges herself between brothers like that?!  UGH!  I can't even believe she's going to go after Damon now.  WHAT a self-centered beotch. 

How do you dump THIS?!

Poor Stefan.  Who is he going to date now?  Maybe the producers over at the CW are going to set him up with his wife (the doctor) so they can have both couples together on the show.  That's pretty pathetic...but you never know. 

JPC = Just Plain Cute

Um, I'm sorry, but is Matt extremely hot?  Yes...yes he is. 

And Jeremy.  He's a sorry sonofabitch but he's a cute one, yeah?

And OMG don't you want Caroline and Klaus to get together?  They are going to ROCK!!!  I love that she hates him but she secretly loves him.  And he is such a bad boy but he'd stop time for her (and knowing him, he probably has a machine that will do that.) 

Listen to me! LOL!  You would never know I wasn't 14.  I really need Breaking Bad to come back so I can feel like I watch grown-up shows again.  ;) 

American Horror Story: Oh Snap! Sister Jude's Going Down

OMG did you see American Horror Story last night?!  Um, I'm sorry...but WHAT happened to Chloe Sevigny after that kid found her on the stairs and started screaming?!  I kept waiting all through the episode for the police to show up at the House of Horrors and arrest Dr. Mengele.  WTF?!  They better pick that storyline back up again at some point.

Random question out of left field:  Is that Evan Peters' eye in the "starting" of the show that has blood coming out of it?  I keep forgetting to find out.

OK back to last night's creepfest:  OMG that poor reporter (does ANYONE know her name?  I'm too lazy to go look it up) is TOAST.  And friggin Zachary Quinto, man.  WHAT have they done to him?  He went from Jekyll to Hide in about 2 seconds.  I don't like that.  His character in Season 1 was SO endearing because he was all bitchy and always feeling betrayed by his partner...and now he's just...I dunno...the exact same douchy character he played on Heroes.  Although I am digging the "SAW" aspect of that storyline.  (It's too bad they can't hitch the always tasty Cary Elwes up to this wagon.)  And that poor girl on the floor.  OMG is she dead? WTF?!?

And I am starting to feel sorry for Sister Jude - aka Jessica Lang.  She started out as the villain but we're now finding out she's the only one there with a conscience.  And you KNOW The Nazi Hunter is going to find a shitload of dirt on Mengele and show up with it one of these days.  I'm thinking that'll be the day the police show up with a) an arrest warrant for the nasty Mengele Mangle of Chloe Sevigny....OR...b) WITH Chloe Sevigny!  Wouldn't THAT be a hoot?!?

LASTLY - I liked Devil Nun before she was Devil Nun.  Is it me?  She was just so sweet and such a neat off balance to the show.  (Has anyone ever used "off balance" as a noun?  Cuz I think I just did.)  Now she's evil - like everyone else.  Yawn.  Done to death.  Meh.

American Horror Story: That Freaky Assed Doctor Gives Me Nightmares

Sitting here waiting for this week's American Horror Story...and praying I can stomach it!  That friggin Nazi doctor (aka James Cromwell) is so scary, I don't know what to do with myself.  Did you SEE what he did to Chloe Sevigny's legs?  Holy CRAP - I want to run screaming from my television every time he's on!

OK so wait...the journalist (notice I know NO ONE'S name this season?)  - oh my god...what they made her do with Zachary Quinto?  I felt SO BAD for her...although the dude they brought in to "stand there" was pretty hot.  I was like "Oh forget it - if he doesn't do it for her...no one will."

I JUST remembered we lost power last Wednesday and missed the last five minutes...UGH!  So I have no idea what happened!  Wait...wait...I think my neighbor told us Evan Peters wasn't mad that his new girly friend killed her family...because she said her dad was abusing her.  Am I right on that?  So what happens now?!  She gets pissed at him and kills him too?  Worse yet, sends him to Dr. Nazi?

And HELLO...they need to give Jessica some down and dirty nunning to do this week.  Is it me or is she totally under-utilized on this show???  C'mon FX!  Let's hear that scary-assed Massachusetts accent "Don'ttttt tawlk to me about Go-wad!"

OK - gotta go!  Get ready y'all!

Once Upon a Time: Emma! You look so 17! Snicker

I love this show.  And Emma might just be the badassiest badass on the planet.  But peeps...seriously?  We’re supposed to believe she’s 17 in last week’s segment?  C’mon now.  I can hardly believe she’s 28!

Is it me or is Captain Hook a tremendous addition to this show?  I’m hoping he sticks around and becomes Emma’s true love in modern day.  LOVED Hurley as the giant.  He was good.  If I were Emma, I’d become BFFs with him since he obviously has no one and is looking for a little love.  That dude would be tremendous in a crisis situation, yeah? 

Not one shred of Rumple this week?  They are killing me.  I wait all week for my dose of Robert Carlyle...do they not know that??  Everything comes at a price!