Once Upon a Time: Emma! You look so 17! Snicker

I love this show.  And Emma might just be the badassiest badass on the planet.  But peeps...seriously?  We’re supposed to believe she’s 17 in last week’s segment?  C’mon now.  I can hardly believe she’s 28!

Is it me or is Captain Hook a tremendous addition to this show?  I’m hoping he sticks around and becomes Emma’s true love in modern day.  LOVED Hurley as the giant.  He was good.  If I were Emma, I’d become BFFs with him since he obviously has no one and is looking for a little love.  That dude would be tremendous in a crisis situation, yeah? 

Not one shred of Rumple this week?  They are killing me.  I wait all week for my dose of Robert Carlyle...do they not know that??  Everything comes at a price!  

Once Upon a Time: Um, Are We Ever Going Back To La La Land?

OK seriously...I need to blog WHILE I watch...because now it’s Saturday and a whole week has gone by and I can’t remember shizzle. 

What the hell happened last week?  Oh yeah - We got to see the softer side of Regina!  Like Sears!  She drives me nuts because I hate her...but I feel bad for her.  Something tells me she is going to get nice by the end of the season...and then go back to being a douche after that.   Let’s face it - she can’t be too nice...cuz there goes the show, right?!

OK what else?  Oh yeah - Emma and Snow in La La Land.  I wonder if they’re going to find out where they are.  And OMG do you not love that Sarah Bolger (aka Lady Mary Tudor) is on this show?  She is pure class.  Love her. 

What are they going to do with Regina’s mother?  She’s going to be evil, no doubt.  Wonder if she’ll help Emma and Snow escape.  

OK not much to say...kindof boring.  Still love Rumple.  I just hang on Robert Carlyle’s every wared ie word.  He’s so hot and Scottish.  And if it’s not Scottish, it’s crap. 

Once Upon a Time: I Don't Think We're in Storybrook Anymore, Toto

UM...How do I put this delicately?  HOLY MAD HAT, BATMAN!

Can you believe they all went trottin’ down into that hole like Alice?!?  That was nutter butters!  And now are we going to have to spend the rest of the season waiting for Snow and Emma to return??  I wish that kid went with them; he gets on my nerves.  And I wish Charming went with them and came back as actual CHARMING.  Because whats-his-name from real life annoys me, too.  Just take your huge, unlaced Timberlands and go back to the land of make believe where you belong (and where - for some strange reason - you’re way hotter.) 

Emma rocks.  I LOVE that she’s all “Um...yeah...we’re not exactly heading to brunch and celebrating Mother’s Day yet, OK Snow?  So just take your cute hair and your lovable ears and back it way the frig out of my bizznazz.”  

And you know what else I HAVE to say?  I love the Queen.  Is there something wrong with me?  Seriously.  Cuz I do.  Even her VOICE is cool.  And she’s evil - so that’s bad, right?  Except I feel bad for her when they start that backstory about her true love being murdered by her bitchy mom.  I wish someone could turn her.  But then we’d have no show, right? 

OK - so - Robert Carlyle.  Why do I want to have this man’s babies?  I mean Lorddddddddddd look at his teeth.  Geez - if there ever was a poster child for Britain having a bad Dental system, I'm sorry to say, it is him.  (I’m totes kidding, btw...I have zero clue what the British Dental system is like and am just having fun with that old, stereotypical, bad joke.) 

OK anyway - Rumps.  The Stiltz man.  Mmmm Hmmm.  Ever since the days of him stripping with Tom Wilkinson and that pleasantly plump dude from that sitcom with Jamie Gertz who had a horrendous American accent - I have loved him.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE his Scots accent.  Holy crap.  He is another one like Gerard Butler who should never be allowed - by law and holy proclamation - to use anything but his Scots accent.  And what’s with Belle being Australian?  They seem to take a lot of license with that show.  (Seen Sir Lancelot on the coming attractions?!  That shiz is FINE - but just doesn’t match up to the Lancelot in my head!)  NOT that I don’t love Emilie de Ravin.  I do - and she’s perfect for that part, too.  Except for her Australian accent.  It’s distracting.  I mean - listen to Sarah Bolger!  Her American accent is fabu - and we all know she’s Irish yet sounded very British as her role as The Lady Mary in The Tudors.  Not to be confused with that other “Lady Mary” who I can’t WAIT to start blogging about as soon as Downton Abbey airs here in the US. 

OK onward.  I think I covered mostly everything.  The premiere certainly delivered - did it not??  Wowsa.  Very exciting and I’m looking forward to next week!  Unless Snow continues to badger Emma about the mom crap because that could get annoying.