Vampire Diaries: Elena, You Ignorant Slut

Nice family portrait.
Who is she doing this week? 

LOL The Vampire Diaries has become a fun event in my house every Thursday night.  When I asked my husband if Matt graduated yet, he turned to me, deadpan...and said:

"They never graduate in Mystic Falls".

OK so I'm going to totally sound like Creepy Old Chick for saying this...but is Jeremy ridiculously hot or what?  Dude...he's Steve McQueen's grandson.  Does it get much cooler than that?  No...no, it does not.

Awww hell...here's Stefan at the hospital.  I made a prediction lsat week and I'm sticking with it:  Stefan is going to hook up with the doctor on the show...because she's his WIFE in "real life".  Oooh...how about him making convicts into vamps?  That's kindof interesting!

OK - after watching...I can say...with all my heart...that Elena is a pain in the ASS.  "Me! Me! Me!  And even more Me!"  God she is SO annoying.  She could not care LESS about anyone but herself!

COMMA HOWEVER....I LOVED the sire angle.  It made me not hate Elena quite so much.  I was livid with her for dumping Stefan - moving into  HIS house - making him leave said house - and then DOING Damon AT the aforementioned house...that Stefan owns.  BUT - if she's sired to Damon?  It makes MUCH more sense...and I can live with it.

And speaking of Stefan...how about THIS:


"Let's not pretend that this isn't the best day of your life."

Oh my GOD...I LOVE Rudedog Stefan!!!!!  Elena should break up with him more often.

I'll end this post with one of my favorite Obnoxious Stefan scenes, reminiscent of Danny and Sandy, chatting on the track field...

Once Upon a Time: Fanning the Flames

Oooh SNAP!!  I'm 10 minutes in and already it's scrumptious!  Just listen to these quotes:

"Oh yeah, princess.  You're goin' back to sleep."

Queen: "Who is she?"
Henry: "Your mother."

"Condiments are this world's most powerful magic."  ~ Mr. Gold

So the queen and Mr. Gold are bitching at each other and poor Belle is sitting there, waiting to eat her first-ever cheeseburger...before it gets cold.  Geez, how rude they are!

OMG everyone's getting burned in the room-o-flames!  It's like Nightmare on Elm Street!  Poor Johnny Depp is going to get sucked into the bed soon if they don't figure out WTF is going on with Aurora!!!

Holy shit!  Snow speaks crow!!!

Boardwalk Empire: Not Lucky Nucky

How much do you love Chalkie? Aren't you so glad he's going to get his club? I smell a Season 4 storyline!

Nucky's at rock bottom right about now. I like how he took the bull by the horns when he thought his nephew was in trouble...and marched his ass outside...only to see Al Capone show up with the African American cavalry.
 That - in a word - ruled.

Oh my lord would SOMEBODY kill Jimmy's mother already? She is SUCH a ho. And I'm not even talking about her profession! What a bitch!!! She is going to miss Richard when he takes off with Junior (thanks to Shannon for that theory!) And speaking of Richard, can they please let him take that god-awful prosthetic face off and kiss his new woman? He is beautiful - disfigurement and all.

Walking Dead: Midseason WHAT?

OMG Michonne is kick ASS!! I have been hot/cold on her...but now I love her. She blended in with the group immediately! It's like she's been with them the whole time! Happy Cop Rick better not screw things up and piss her off...or worse yet, kick her out! Although NONE of them might be around after next week when they storm Governor's Stepford's Bastille.

And speaking of next week...WHAT is with the "mid season finale"??? WTF?? I am new to this Walking Dead game...so I didn't have to deal with a break last season.  And it's not coming back until "sometime in 2013? WHAT?! January? December? WHEN?!?

PS - I really thought Glen was going to bite it. Talk about a nail-biter!

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Not on My Watch: The Smoking Gun?

SPOILER ALERT:  I am starting Chapter 7 in Not on My Watch by JC Bodden. 

Things are heating up.  And I don't mean between Dev and Ellie.  Although not for lack of trying, on her part.  Lorddddddddd that woman is a maneater!  I could have used some lessons from her when I was young and single.  She's quite sure of herself, no?  Dang.

So they just found out the bullet from the gun that was used to kill Bobby Earl Davenport (three names; never good) came from a police revolver - and they think it was Devlin's.  And my gut tells me they're going to find out it was Devlin's.  The guy (the real guy, not Bobby Earl, duh) has been in and out of his house...it's not odd that he'd have been able to steal his gun and replace it.

And how about sassy-ass Jennie!  Damn, girl!  I know you're upset about your kidnapped son and all...but show some manners, lass.  I know the maneater is standing there in her Oscar gown and making you feel enormously inferior in the hottie department...but Devlin didn't raise you to be a little snotty pants!  So pipe down.

And Joe...lordddddddd Joe.  Did you not feel terrible for him when they were listening in on the kidnapper phonecall and he had no idea what was being said...about his own son!  Horrible!  I still love Joe the most out of all the characters.  Hopefully JC will write us a book that begins with the night Jennie and Joe got home from her kidnapping...and ends with the birth of the twins.  I'm sure something criminal happened during those years...you know, so she can throw in a little bit of drama.  I always enjoy a little mystery with my romance.

OK...back to the book.  I have to catch up to Tom; he's at 49% and I'm at 30%.  Today he said to me, "What's up for tonight?  In the mood for a little JC?"  (insert massive giggles here)

PS - I can't help but see Elliot as Liz Cho.  Looking forward to hearing JC's opinion.  I can almost hear the laughing all the way from my house in NJ.  ;)

The Walking Dead: Listen! Do You Smell Something?

Holy crap.  Did you see Sunday's Walking Dead?  Michonne is brills.  How about her moseying around, wearing walker entrails and fitting in with the crowd?  I'll be she's got that...ummm...not-so-fresh-feeling.  I can't WAIT to see how she's going to convince Rick to let her in.  It's not like she can speak up and say "Hey Rick, let me in!" with all those walkers all over her.

This show amazes me every week.  I was absolutely IN SHOCK when Lori died.  I mean, REALLY?!  I was sitting there saying "Oh please...she's not going to die.  Vet Doc will come in, stitch her up, give her an antibiotic that poor Glenn stole from the local pharmacy (since he seems to be the only one who ever goes for supplies) and she'll be good as new!"  I was half paying attention when she and Carl were saying their goodbyes, because I truly thought it would never happen.  And then...BAM!  Carl's putting her down like a deer in Allegheny, PA the Monday after Thanksgiving!  It was a complete FREAKSHOW.  I am still open-mouthed about that one.

Poor Rick.  He's damn gone lost his mind.  Everyone's calling him up on the telephono, talking to him all nice and proper...when really they're dead as doornails.  Thank God he shook it off and went out and actually held the baby.  He needs to move ON.  Lori was a bit of a beotch anyway, was she not?

OK let's move on now...to that hottie, The Governor.  WOW.  He's really rather hunky in his averageness, no?  I think I like him with Andrea, even though he's a freakydeak who brushes his daughter's hair (and probably eyeballs) clean off her head.  That is an explosive secret that is going to cause all kinds of mayhem, I'm sure.

And let me ask you a question --->  If you were Andrea, what would you have done?  Left with your close bud, Michonne?  Or stuck around and drank lattes with the bathed people?  Cuz I'm thinin' my answer is crystal clear:  Damn RIGHT I'd have stayed around in Walker Mayberrry!!!  I don't give a shit WHAT is going on behind the scenes...I'd be happy as a pig in shit.  Just close my eyes and pretend all this madness isn't going on right outside those tire walls (where naughty Andrea is clearly not allowed to frequent anymore.)

And how about poor Daryl?  He loves Carol.  I new her ass wasn't dead.  I have been waiting for weeks for those two to get together.  I hope she's not bitten; I like her too much to want to watch Merle shoot her in the eye with his crossbow.

Boardwalk Empire: ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!?

Boardwalk Empire is walking the line in my house right now.  I don't know if I'd call it "jumping the shark"...although the fact that Chicago/New York seems to be overtaking Atlantic City gets on my last nerve sometimes.  (Although give me Nelson selling knives or Vodka any day!)  But is there some reason they are adverse to KEEPING EVERY SINGLE GOOD CHARACTER THEY'VE EVER CAST?!?

I don't effing get it.  First Jimmy Darmody.  I mean - the whole Boardwalk Empire-loving world ERUPTED when they killed this guy off.  He was the star of the show!  OK, OK...next to Nucky Thompson...whatever.  And here we all are...still licking our wounds...while that crazy assed BITCH who spawned him kills his doppelganger and passes him off as him to collect his inheritance...and what do they do?

The most gorgeous man with
half a face on the entire planet!

THEY KILL FUCKING SLATER!!!!!!!

I mean are you SHITTING ME?!?  Owen Slater is one of the best characters on the show!!  If these morons kill off Jack Huston aka Richard Harrow aka "Half A Face" (I say that lovingly), I will stop watching on the spot.

Bottom line - Slater was AWESOME.  He kicked ASS.  (see below)  Although I did somewhat enjoy watching Margaret freak out because I can't stand her sometimes...which means I LOVE Kelly MacDonald; she's FABU!  She plays the character you hate to love!

Check out Owen being all badass with the adorable Richard.  If Richard goes...I GO!!!

Vampire Diaries: Oh for the Love of All that's Holy - Someone Punch Elena, Please

Wahhhhh!  Wahhhhh!

Are you kidding me?  TALK ABOUT SELF CENTERED. WHAT is with throwing the ring into the lake?!  Even if Little Miss Whine and Moan wanted to kill herself, she didn't have to ditch the ring!  Someone else could use it, right?

I have had about as much as I can take of Elena and her stupid whining.  And now she's fucking EVERYTHING up.  Stefan dumped her but really she dumped him.  And now she's going to go do the nasty with Damon.  And you know what?  He's going to dump her.  And I won't feel the LEAST bit sorry for her dumb ass.  What kind of an ASS wedges herself between brothers like that?!  UGH!  I can't even believe she's going to go after Damon now.  WHAT a self-centered beotch. 

How do you dump THIS?!

Poor Stefan.  Who is he going to date now?  Maybe the producers over at the CW are going to set him up with his wife (the doctor) so they can have both couples together on the show.  That's pretty pathetic...but you never know. 

JPC = Just Plain Cute

Um, I'm sorry, but is Matt extremely hot?  Yes...yes he is. 

And Jeremy.  He's a sorry sonofabitch but he's a cute one, yeah?

And OMG don't you want Caroline and Klaus to get together?  They are going to ROCK!!!  I love that she hates him but she secretly loves him.  And he is such a bad boy but he'd stop time for her (and knowing him, he probably has a machine that will do that.) 

Listen to me! LOL!  You would never know I wasn't 14.  I really need Breaking Bad to come back so I can feel like I watch grown-up shows again.  ;) 

American Horror Story: Oh Snap! Sister Jude's Going Down

OMG did you see American Horror Story last night?!  Um, I'm sorry...but WHAT happened to Chloe Sevigny after that kid found her on the stairs and started screaming?!  I kept waiting all through the episode for the police to show up at the House of Horrors and arrest Dr. Mengele.  WTF?!  They better pick that storyline back up again at some point.

Random question out of left field:  Is that Evan Peters' eye in the "starting" of the show that has blood coming out of it?  I keep forgetting to find out.

OK back to last night's creepfest:  OMG that poor reporter (does ANYONE know her name?  I'm too lazy to go look it up) is TOAST.  And friggin Zachary Quinto, man.  WHAT have they done to him?  He went from Jekyll to Hide in about 2 seconds.  I don't like that.  His character in Season 1 was SO endearing because he was all bitchy and always feeling betrayed by his partner...and now he's just...I dunno...the exact same douchy character he played on Heroes.  Although I am digging the "SAW" aspect of that storyline.  (It's too bad they can't hitch the always tasty Cary Elwes up to this wagon.)  And that poor girl on the floor.  OMG is she dead? WTF?!?

And I am starting to feel sorry for Sister Jude - aka Jessica Lang.  She started out as the villain but we're now finding out she's the only one there with a conscience.  And you KNOW The Nazi Hunter is going to find a shitload of dirt on Mengele and show up with it one of these days.  I'm thinking that'll be the day the police show up with a) an arrest warrant for the nasty Mengele Mangle of Chloe Sevigny....OR...b) WITH Chloe Sevigny!  Wouldn't THAT be a hoot?!?

LASTLY - I liked Devil Nun before she was Devil Nun.  Is it me?  She was just so sweet and such a neat off balance to the show.  (Has anyone ever used "off balance" as a noun?  Cuz I think I just did.)  Now she's evil - like everyone else.  Yawn.  Done to death.  Meh.

American Horror Story: That Freaky Assed Doctor Gives Me Nightmares

Sitting here waiting for this week's American Horror Story...and praying I can stomach it!  That friggin Nazi doctor (aka James Cromwell) is so scary, I don't know what to do with myself.  Did you SEE what he did to Chloe Sevigny's legs?  Holy CRAP - I want to run screaming from my television every time he's on!

OK so wait...the journalist (notice I know NO ONE'S name this season?)  - oh my god...what they made her do with Zachary Quinto?  I felt SO BAD for her...although the dude they brought in to "stand there" was pretty hot.  I was like "Oh forget it - if he doesn't do it for her...no one will."

I JUST remembered we lost power last Wednesday and missed the last five minutes...UGH!  So I have no idea what happened!  Wait...wait...I think my neighbor told us Evan Peters wasn't mad that his new girly friend killed her family...because she said her dad was abusing her.  Am I right on that?  So what happens now?!  She gets pissed at him and kills him too?  Worse yet, sends him to Dr. Nazi?

And HELLO...they need to give Jessica some down and dirty nunning to do this week.  Is it me or is she totally under-utilized on this show???  C'mon FX!  Let's hear that scary-assed Massachusetts accent "Don'ttttt tawlk to me about Go-wad!"

OK - gotta go!  Get ready y'all!

Once Upon a Time: Emma! You look so 17! Snicker

I love this show.  And Emma might just be the badassiest badass on the planet.  But peeps...seriously?  We’re supposed to believe she’s 17 in last week’s segment?  C’mon now.  I can hardly believe she’s 28!

Is it me or is Captain Hook a tremendous addition to this show?  I’m hoping he sticks around and becomes Emma’s true love in modern day.  LOVED Hurley as the giant.  He was good.  If I were Emma, I’d become BFFs with him since he obviously has no one and is looking for a little love.  That dude would be tremendous in a crisis situation, yeah? 

Not one shred of Rumple this week?  They are killing me.  I wait all week for my dose of Robert Carlyle...do they not know that??  Everything comes at a price!  

Someone To Watch Over Me by JC Bodden...Who Knew?!

So here I sit in my darkened, candlelit house at the Jersey Shore the night after Sandy rolled through and destroyed everything in her path.  And what does one do when they are recovering from a hurricane with no power, phone or heat?  

They read Someone to Watch Over Me by Miss “JC Bodden”, herself.  And I have one thing to say about it:  

HOLY CRAP - THIS BOOK ROCKS. 

I started this book two years ago when JC was posting a chapter a week...but started another book in between weeks and kept meaning to go back to it.  And a few weeks ago, it was published by Amazon and became available on my Kindle...so I downloaded it.  And now?  Well here I am...unsure of whether we can drink water from the faucets and finding myself in tears every time I see another Jersey Shore landmark in ruins...

...Yet I am not only reading it...but loving it!  What a tale!

SPOILER ALERT:  Don’t read unless you have read Chapter 6 in Someone to Watch Over Me. 

OMG Could I be any more heartbroken for this poor little fellow, Joe?!?  And then to see him as a man - a HOT, blue-eyed man - it’s truly too much for me to take.  The teasing killed me...but his mother not being affectionate with him upset me even more.  I truly believe you can make it through anything if you have a good support system at home.  So the deck is stacked against this kid from Day 1.  Which is why I’m desperately hoping he’s not up-to-no-good when it comes to the dorm and all the shenanigans going on there.  He’s so lovable and vulnerable; I really hope Jennie doesn’t screw this up.  Who doesn’t want a man you can take care of?  This poor soul needs some major love...and so does she, right?  So let’s see them get together!!! 

(No worries.  If they don’t, I’ll just make JC write me another one, a la Kathy Bates in Misery!)  ;) 

Off to read...someone just turned off the hot water heater (just like the entire state of New Jersey) and Jennie’s dad may be on the case!

SPOILER ALERT:  Don’t read unless you have read up to Chapter 24 in Someone to Watch Over Me.  Sorry it took so long but hell - I couldn’t put it down!

Um..Jennie...are you effing KIDDING ME???  You’re going to go out with that slimeball Wagner?  I don’t care how hot he is...he’s a freak.  I totally think he’s the freak in the baseball hat who has been stalking you.  I think he’s in cahoots with the alcohol//cigarette-smelling dude who attacked the redhead outside the library.  He’s CLEARLY got a camera on you since he keeps asking about things like your little black dress that he shouldn’t know you have or the fact that you’re sitting around in your robe.  Creepy, party of Wagner?  And my GOD - could you be any more blind to Joe’s awesomeness?  You totally dig him - so why don’t you see it?  UGH.  

SPOILER ALERT - I’m on Chapter 25 in Someone to Watch Over Me.

OMG the Wagner thing is driving me bonkers.  Who is he.  I know he ties into all this.  Was he one of Joe’s foster brothers?  I think he’s trying to get back at Joe by going after Jennie.  I LOVE how the dumbass finds his rose and note and doesn’t put two and two together that he misspelled her name.  And I can’t figure out if it’s a good thing - or a bad thing - that he misspelled her name.  You’d THINK he’d be smart enough to remember the stalker spelled her name wrong...and say “Oh gee - I better spell it the right way or she’s going to get suspicious”.  MEANWHILE - oh no - not JennIE - she’s not suspicious...because she’s a DUMBASS.  I am getting pissed.  That’s how you know a book is good.  ;) 

SPOILER ALERT:  I’m starting Chapter 28 in Someone to Watch over Me. 

You know what really bothers me?  No one looks at Joe because he’s the maintenance dude.  And that pisses me off.  He’s obviously adorable with those gorgeous eyes.  And the whole hearing-impaired thing is a plus - by which I would be non-plussed.  Guys with a vulnerability are always hotter in my opinion.  He’s a good guy - a hard worker - adorable - helpful - really sweet - geez - what is WRONG with these women??  They’re always gawking at douchy Wagner but they never even notice Joe. 

SPOILER ALERT:  I am on chapter 31 in Someone to Watch Over Me. 

Oh my god - HOW can they not know there is a CAMERA on them in Jennie’s livingroom?!?  Wagner just busts in when they’re all over each other (um, YEY!) and they don’t think “Gee...how’d he know to come in right then?”  UGH!!!  I want to smack them!  But I really don’t because I am so happy Jennie finally came to her senses and realized she loves Joe (aka Hottie MacHotpants.) 

SPOILER ALERT:  I am on chapter 34 in Someone to Watch Over Me. 

OHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITOHSHITT!!!  That piece of shit has been watching from UPSTAIRS IN THE ATTIC this whole time and he’s going to frame JOE!!!  Oh SHIT!!!!!  

OK here’s my prediction.  Wagner is the son of the guy who killed Joe’s mother.  He’s seeking revenge against Joe for sending his dad to prison for the rest of his life...and he’s going after everything Joe ever loved.  This includes Jennie (said like Forrest Gump), Mama Tilley and Papa Mickey.  Let’s see how close - or far - I came to the truth!

SPOILER ALERT:  I am finished Someone to Watch Over Me!

WOW - did not see the Wagner/Amy relationship coming!  Outstanding!  Kudos, JC, you totally had me - and I love that!  I thought the book was really good...keeps you on the edge of your seat.  I wanted to blog more, early on...but I didn’t want to stop reading!  LOVE LOVE LOVE Joe.  Need more Joe.  Need more of the new Joe/Jennie relationship.  (Love the whole Jennie/Jenny spelling thing, by the way.)  I want to hear him tell her how shitty his life was and I want her to comfort him...and I want them to get married and have kids so we can see what an awesome dad he would be.  

NEED.  MORE.  JOE!!!!!  :)

Vampire Diaries: How Are These People Still In High School?

First thought:  Um, Tyler?  You’re a vampire...and a werewolf.  Don’t you think you should be able to overpower the mean dude with the tattoos?

Oooh!  Rebecca’s at school...yey!  I know, I know...bitch extraordinaire...but I can’t help liking her.  I think I feel bad for her and I know there’s a good soul in there somewhere.

Oooh Elena is SCARYYYY when she gets all vampire on everyone’s ass.  She almost looks like that skeleton creature Tate used to walk through the hallways as in American Horror Story.

Well...am I the only one who kindof digs the possible future Rebecca/Matt pairing?  Notice how those Klaus kin love themselves some wholesome people?  Klaus digs Caroline...and now Rebecca digs Matt.  It’s so cute.  Slightly Muffy and Biff-esque...but cute. 

And can SOMEONE tell me who this hot chick is who showed up at Tyler’s house?  Hailey?  Is that her name?  WTF?  

OK so now Damon is shooting arrows into Hottie the Vampire Hunter...and all I can think is “Sam and Dean might show up and save him!  That...would rule!” 

OMG I really thought Rebecca killed Matt!  She grabbed his heart and I was going, “Put it back! Put it back!”  

So Klaus is saving Elena.  Doesn’t it always sound like they’re biting into an apple when they bite into their arm to save someone? 

Greatest line exchange of the night: 

Jeremy:  “See?  I told you I could be a badass!” 

Damon:  “Shhh.  Badasses don’t say that.”  

PS - Not sure I feel like delving into a whole new storyline - aka, “The Five” - no matter how cool it sounds.  This show exhausts me.  Then again - Hottie McHotPants Klaus is back.  So do I really care?  No, no I do not. 

The Walking Dead: I Don't Think We're in Leavenworth Anymore

Ya know...sometimes you’re just not in the mood for the way your stomach feels when you watch this show.   YeeUCK.  Do we really need the doc’s leg just lyin’ there, staring at us?  Blech. If I were those people in the cafeteria, I’d be like “Um, thanks for that.  ‘Preciate it!’ 

OH SHIT! THEY’RE PRISONERS!!

Oh this is not going to end well. 

And the main dude is scary...and kinda looks like the car-parkin’ joyrider in Ferris Bueller's Day Off. 

Oh my god - this is nuts.  The guys are trying to take over Cellblock H so the prisoners can live there...and now poor Big Tiny is now Big Deady.  Which TICKS me off because he was a nice guy!  

WHOOOOOAAAA!!  DOC just friggin came back to life.  That was freaky as hell.  Lori was almost lunch!

And whoa...does Rick just loathe Lori, or what?  What did he say at the end?  “We all appreciate what you did today”?  Or something to that effect.  OUCH.  He might as well have said “thanks so much...what’s your name again?”   

And how about Cowboy Carl roping up walkers at the rodeo jail?  WHAT is with that kid??  Although, I have to admit, I thought Lori was a little hard on him when he came back with Doc Baker’s bag full of medical supplies.  Geez, lady...how’s about giving him a hug and having a stern talking-to a little later when no one is around?  Do you want to emasculate him as much as you have emasculated Rick over the years??

Man...that episode was tremendous...albeit gory.  Last night truly made me feel sick to my stomach.  Sheesh - must we see all the carnage?  And is it carnage if they’re already dead?  Ponder that a while, will you...

Once Upon a Time: Sailing the High Seas of Hotness

OOOfah!  Rumple is finding out Mila is dead.  Dang...this isn’t going to be pretty.  WHAT  a beotch, by the way.  She loves her son enough not to stay in the bar...but not enough to stay in her own life.  I hate selfish people.  

Oooh sweet fight scene between Rumple and Captain Hook.  Who, incidentally, must be about to get in a position to need a hook. 

LOL  Charming is cracking me up.  Every time you turn around, he just interrupts and says “I won’t let anything happen to her”.  

HOLY SHIT!! BELLE JUST TOOK OFF IN A TRAIN CAR LIKE JEM (Outlander reference for those of you who are wondering what in the name of all that’s holy I’m talking about).  That ruled!  

OH my god  - did you see the scenes for next week?!?  Never-aging Barbara Hershey is going to bring back Regina’s boy toy!  OutSTANDing!!!

Vampire Diaries: Is This Vampire Diaries or "A Very Special Brady Bunch?"

WTF?!  Can someone please tell me what in hell has happened to the Vampire Diaries?!  Everyone is frolicking around, hunting bad guys like those meddling kids in the Mystery Van...and not feeding on people or at least being badass like vampires are SUPPOSED to.  

Um Stefan - is there some reason you’re forcing Elena to kill Bambie and not let her run around and be a “bad guy” like she’s supposed to?  I just asked Tom if he thought Stefan was going to take Elena flower picking soon.  This is too much to bear.  It’s like this huge, dorky town full of Cullens!  The only thing keeping my sanity right now is Damon.  Thank golly for a real, old-fashioned blood sucker. 

OK now waitttt a minute...waittt a minute...Elena’s at the pulpit...about to become a pile of goo...oh wait, that’s True Blood.  OH yeah.  Stefan just came to her rescue as we’re turning to page 42 in our hymn books.  

Oh em GEE - how about Elena giving Matty a vampirific church hicky!  WOWsa.  

Oh but nevermind Tyler getting shot or the invisatattoo on the minty, bad dude at the bar...because Stefan is too busy giving Elena whisky - straight - out of a lovely intricately-cut Waterford glass.  Gosh, if I had a dime for every highschooler I knew who did that...

Oh SHIT NO.  Did y’all see Stefan hand out Japanese lanterns so they can properly grieve the Council?!?  Has everyone just gone totally outer limits?!?  Gotta love them all saying “this is for Vicky...this is for Alaric...”  I’d be like “This is for Stefan’s coolness” because CLEARLY it died with all the others.  Way to GO DAMON for saying NO to all this cutsie horseshit!!!

Lorddddddd...one thing to say in closing: 

ALARIC IS HOT!!!!!!!

Walking Dead: OMG I Forgot How Disgusting These Walkers Really Are

Oh SHIT!  The “starting” just started and it’s already effing TERRIFYING!

When are we going to find out about the hooded dude with the seemingly trained, armless walkers?!

Oh Em Gee.  They just picked off all the walkers around the jail and are planning on setting up camp inside.  DAMN.  Watching this show is like playing Space Invaders.  There is always someone coming at you!  I just heard myself yell “BEHIND YOU” while I was watching.  It’s TV folks!  WTF is my problem?!?

OMG (could I say OMG one more time?)  They are camped out outside the prison.  Dang.  That place could be awesome.  And as Daryl says, it probably has “plumbery”.  LOL  Oh shit - they’re breaking in the fence so they can try and go inside.  Yowsa.  I can’t watch!

LOL!  “I ain’t sleepin’ in the cage...I’ll take the perch.”  DOH!  So I guess Daryl’s done some time.  Not that that should surprise anyone.   

Meanwhile, it’s really freaky to think about how psyched they are to have a JAIL CELL to sleep in, right?!  The bars lock and they’ve got theyselves a BED, y’all.  Wowee!  I’d be tickled pink!  And how ridiculous is that??

Oh SCHNIKIES!!!  Papa Vet just got bitten...and Rick just hacked his leg off at the knee!  Since when does THAT work?!  I guess we’ll have to wait and see.  OMG It was so sceevy when the walker bit him...he was yanking out ligaments with his teeth.  YUCK.  And there are doctors alive!  Well, I think they were doctors.  They looked like they were in scrubs. 

Oooh snap.  Can’t WAIT for next week!!

PS - I’m trying out new Comments programs.  Please bear with me!

Once Upon a Time: Could They Make Me Cry Any More in this Episode?

OH my god, the tears have been falling down my face for the entire hour this has been on!!!

The nursery...sigh...wasn’t it so pretty?  I am so horrendously sad for Snow.  She didn’t deserve this!  Even with her ridiculously overacted one-liners!  “Get away from my daughter!”  LOL  Did you not laugh when she yelled that?  My hubster was in hysterics!

OK wait - so once again - do you not love Aurora, even in all her bitchiness?  She’s like a big, ol’ ball o’ PMS.  And I love her!  And she’s starting to soften a bit, too...you can tell.

And Henry.  He’s so cute and so elf-like at the same time.  And WHY do I feel bad for Regina?!

And Lancelot.  Whoooo wee.  He’s a cutie PIE...even though he doesn’t scream “Lancelot”.  And I don’t think he’s dead, either.  I think Barbara Hershey lied.  He seems too official to be dead.  And who knows, maybe Barbara’s brain got a little messed up during her last surgery.  Holy SHIT - did you SEE her face?!  She looks younger than Emma!!  That’s nutsky!

Oh and how about the Mad Hatter finding his daughter!!! That is one of the storylines that grabbed me from Day 1.  I’m so excited for him!!  He’s such a good actor, too.

OK gots to go - The Walking Dead is coming on!  That’s Numero Uno in the line-up!!!

Once Upon a Time: Um, Are We Ever Going Back To La La Land?

OK seriously...I need to blog WHILE I watch...because now it’s Saturday and a whole week has gone by and I can’t remember shizzle. 

What the hell happened last week?  Oh yeah - We got to see the softer side of Regina!  Like Sears!  She drives me nuts because I hate her...but I feel bad for her.  Something tells me she is going to get nice by the end of the season...and then go back to being a douche after that.   Let’s face it - she can’t be too nice...cuz there goes the show, right?!

OK what else?  Oh yeah - Emma and Snow in La La Land.  I wonder if they’re going to find out where they are.  And OMG do you not love that Sarah Bolger (aka Lady Mary Tudor) is on this show?  She is pure class.  Love her. 

What are they going to do with Regina’s mother?  She’s going to be evil, no doubt.  Wonder if she’ll help Emma and Snow escape.  

OK not much to say...kindof boring.  Still love Rumple.  I just hang on Robert Carlyle’s every wared ie word.  He’s so hot and Scottish.  And if it’s not Scottish, it’s crap. 

Once Upon a Time: I Don't Think We're in Storybrook Anymore, Toto

UM...How do I put this delicately?  HOLY MAD HAT, BATMAN!

Can you believe they all went trottin’ down into that hole like Alice?!?  That was nutter butters!  And now are we going to have to spend the rest of the season waiting for Snow and Emma to return??  I wish that kid went with them; he gets on my nerves.  And I wish Charming went with them and came back as actual CHARMING.  Because whats-his-name from real life annoys me, too.  Just take your huge, unlaced Timberlands and go back to the land of make believe where you belong (and where - for some strange reason - you’re way hotter.) 

Emma rocks.  I LOVE that she’s all “Um...yeah...we’re not exactly heading to brunch and celebrating Mother’s Day yet, OK Snow?  So just take your cute hair and your lovable ears and back it way the frig out of my bizznazz.”  

And you know what else I HAVE to say?  I love the Queen.  Is there something wrong with me?  Seriously.  Cuz I do.  Even her VOICE is cool.  And she’s evil - so that’s bad, right?  Except I feel bad for her when they start that backstory about her true love being murdered by her bitchy mom.  I wish someone could turn her.  But then we’d have no show, right? 

OK - so - Robert Carlyle.  Why do I want to have this man’s babies?  I mean Lorddddddddddd look at his teeth.  Geez - if there ever was a poster child for Britain having a bad Dental system, I'm sorry to say, it is him.  (I’m totes kidding, btw...I have zero clue what the British Dental system is like and am just having fun with that old, stereotypical, bad joke.) 

OK anyway - Rumps.  The Stiltz man.  Mmmm Hmmm.  Ever since the days of him stripping with Tom Wilkinson and that pleasantly plump dude from that sitcom with Jamie Gertz who had a horrendous American accent - I have loved him.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE his Scots accent.  Holy crap.  He is another one like Gerard Butler who should never be allowed - by law and holy proclamation - to use anything but his Scots accent.  And what’s with Belle being Australian?  They seem to take a lot of license with that show.  (Seen Sir Lancelot on the coming attractions?!  That shiz is FINE - but just doesn’t match up to the Lancelot in my head!)  NOT that I don’t love Emilie de Ravin.  I do - and she’s perfect for that part, too.  Except for her Australian accent.  It’s distracting.  I mean - listen to Sarah Bolger!  Her American accent is fabu - and we all know she’s Irish yet sounded very British as her role as The Lady Mary in The Tudors.  Not to be confused with that other “Lady Mary” who I can’t WAIT to start blogging about as soon as Downton Abbey airs here in the US. 

OK onward.  I think I covered mostly everything.  The premiere certainly delivered - did it not??  Wowsa.  Very exciting and I’m looking forward to next week!  Unless Snow continues to badger Emma about the mom crap because that could get annoying. 

Here Comes "Once Upon a Time"

I had ZERO idea “Once Upon a Time” was starting this weekend and I also had no idea I’d care so much! Just WAIT until they get their hands on the evil queen! Ooooh Lordddddddddd it’s gonna be one hell of a show. And here’s my question: Are they now going to look the same way they did in the past? Is Snow White going to look like Snow White or Mary Margaret? And what’s going to happen to Emma? Is she going to be all “Yo - you’re my mamma now! Wanna get a pizza?” That was one long, strange trip she was on in the finale...I’m glad she’s out from under the clock tower and hangin’ with Henry in le Hospitale.

Can’t WAIT for Sunday...although I can’t help thinking “this better be good”. Everything comes at a price!

 PS - I’ve been watching Boardwalk Empire for two weeks and am somewhat “meh” at the moment...but I’m sure it will pick up as we go along. That’s another entry.